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RAMBLINGS OF A LUNATIC MIND

Here are a few bejeweled mantra's and tiddy little mental tidbits to ponder during your otherwise dreary and worthless existance...

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- God did not create the world in seven days. He screwed around for six and then pulled an all-nighter!
Robin Williams

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- Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!
Anonymous

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- Money doesn't buy happiness, but it makes misery a lot easier to live with.
Anonymous

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- Always remember, pillage BEFORE you burn.
Hagar The Horrible

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- Give a man a beer and he'll drink for five minutes. Show him where it is and he'll drink all day.
anonymous

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"Close, but no cigar."
Jennifer Flowers' response when asked if she thought her affair with the president could be compared to that of Monica Lewinski's

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- I once told a subordinate "If you wanted to do it the wrong way, why did you ask for my opinion? You could have gotten it wrong immediately all by yourself instead of waisting my time".
G.S.S.

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- A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A BEST friend is the one who will be sitting beside you saying "That was fucking awsome!".
Anonymous

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- It is a wise man who says to himself "I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy".
Gene Wilder

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- Always take a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up much room, and if it gets full you can just toss it out the window.
Stephan Martinez (A.K.A. Steve Martin)

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- You know it used to be that being crazy meant something. Hell, nowadays everybody's crazy.
Charles Manson

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- Responsibility is a heavy responsibility.
Tommy Chong

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- Life is like a shit sandwhich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.
anonynmous

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- The problem with the world is that everyone else is a few drinks behind.
Humphry Bogart

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- An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do.
Dylan Thomas

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- I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best their going to feel all day.
Dean Martin

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- The difference between a drunk and an alcoholic is that a drunk doesn't have to attend all those meetings.
Allan Freed

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- Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams

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- Whenever I watch T.V. and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flys and death and stuff.
Maria Carey

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- The statistics on insanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Now think of your three best friends. If they seem normal, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown

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- Artificial intelegence is no match for natural stupidity.
anonymous

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