Here are a few bejeweled mantra's and tiddy little mental tidbits to ponder during your otherwise dreary and worthless
- God did not create the world in seven days. He screwed around for six and then pulled an all-nighter!
- Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!
- Money doesn't buy happiness, but it makes misery a lot easier to live with.
- Always remember, pillage BEFORE you burn.
Hagar The Horrible
- Give a man a beer and he'll drink for five minutes. Show him where it is and he'll drink all day.
"Close, but no cigar."
Jennifer Flowers' response when asked if she thought her affair with the president could be compared to
that of Monica Lewinski's
- I once told a subordinate "If you wanted to do it the wrong way, why did you ask for my opinion?
You could have gotten it wrong immediately all by yourself instead of waisting my time".
- A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A BEST friend is the one who will be sitting
beside you saying "That was fucking awsome!".
- It is a wise man who says to himself "I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full
- Always take a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up much room, and if it gets full you can
just toss it out the window.
Stephan Martinez (A.K.A. Steve Martin)
- You know it used to be that being crazy meant something. Hell, nowadays everybody's crazy.